resurfacing

It has been a minute since I have blogged about anything. The world is a weird place these days. My mother always told me; If you cant say anything nice, say nothing at all. The News has jaded me. Every day yet another child is abused or even worse,killed often by someone they love & trust. Women remain in terror of their "loving" spouses and those of you that know me know Im an avid beast where abuse is concerned.I would love to write about happy things but that just isn't the norm these days. We all have our happy moments but brush off all the sadness & terror that others have to live through.I love my life,love my family & love so many aspects of human nature, it really bums me out that unless the bad things are happening to US, we seldom care.I'm going to get back into writing, hopefully finding happier things to blog about.For now..Peace,love & light. Pay it forward & don't be a douchebag..no one likes a vinegar sack ;)

Life & it's twists & turns

It's been awhile since I have felt like writing anything. I have a book in progress,nothing written in months. It's funny how the things that happen in other peoples lives effect our own.Im trying really hard to get back into the "creative" mode, but with an emotional vampire by my side,that's hard to do. His depression becomes MY depression. His apathy towards life bleeds into my joy for life.It really isn't fair. This has been going on for a very long time. The obvious solution would be to walk out. Easier said than done. If I walk, he has no way to support himself.No way to get to or from a job (as if he were even looking). I suppose when you take Vows,you better be DAMN sure you understand the ramifications of "for better or worse". In the State where I reside, Alcoholism is a valid reason for filing for divorce. BUT divorce leaves him privy to HALF of what I have worked for over the past 13 years.BULLSHIT.I stand at the crossroads of my "materialism" & peace of mind.To understand abuse isn't just about being punched in the face, it's also about someone mis-treating you on a day to day basis.Mind games are abuse.Lack of intimacy is abuse.Letting someone else control you with their anger..ABUSE. I don't like confrontation,especially when I know im right. From now on, my blog will be a sort of diary of letting go.Step by step I will navigate my way out of this.If your reading this & you too are stuck in marital purgatory,perhaps my actions will inspire you to make the tough choices & do whats best for you & your family.I have the support of friends & family,Im the one that has to deal with his temper tantrums,his denial's,his depression..etc... I will keep you informed.Step by step.Peace my friends.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I haven't been asleep yet tonight. I sat on the floor by my daughters bed & balled my eyes out as she was weeping in her sleep.The victim of domestic violence. I should have seen this coming. I KNOW the signs. I have lived that nightmare in my own life, but she's to sweet,to gentle,to kind hearted to know how to defend herself.This was the man that was so sick last year with some weird disease,he had seizures,couldn't even feed himself,cried like a baby because he thought she was going to leave him.I wish she had. Every time he thought she was going to leave he faked a seizure to make her feel guilty & stay.Now the disgusting part.CONTROL.He moved her 100 miles from her friends & family.She wasn't allowed to answer her phone when anyone of our family called her.If she went to the grocery store she had to be home within 20 minutes or he would start blowing up her phone.She wasn't allowed to dye her hair,had to remove all her piercings (including earrings) No make-up was allowed..ever.she had to keep her phone on vibrate in case one of us called or texted her so he didnt hear it. Now my 2 grandsons. One he hates. the other he favors.the older one was CONSTANTLY punished.Had to rush thru his meals to take HIS dogs out.I gave them a WII last christmas, of course that was taken away immediately.The Laptop I gave my grandson is sitting here smashed, as is my daughters cell phone,and the side of her PC kicked in.It all came to a head last week. I got a call from him telling me I had better come get her (he took her car keys)I told him to have her call me,(he was calling from her phone) He said she didn't have a phone anymore & hung up.I could hear her crying in the background. I called her phone back & to him "If I don't get a call from my daughter in the next 5 minutes, I was sending the police to her house" I didn't get a call. I called the Gaston Co. police. they went to her house,knocked on the door & while he was choking her THEY LEFT!!!!!! because he wouldn't open the door.He choked her twice,punched her in the face & spit in her face twice.She walked 2 miles in a torrential down pour to a nieces house to get away from him (with the boys).from there an officer took her to a safe house till i could get there.she pressed assault charges.The magistrate told us to drive by his house & see if he was there. he was. they told us to call them & they would come arrest him so she could get her clothes & the kids stuff.we called the cops & confirmed he was there. the Sgt called me back & told me they had been out there twice that day to arrest him but no one was there. he was hiding.the Sgt then told me he wasnt wasting his time coming out to the house,I was furious, and asked for his name then hung up the phone. a few seconds later he called back & said they were on their way. When the officers got there they looked around & said he wasn't there. I got a lecture about how I wasted his precious time. I asked if he would stay while i climbed thru a window & made sure he wasn't there...at least they did that.I removed the screen, then popped the window out & stuck my leg thru. the little bastard knocked me back out the window..THEN the cops flew in on the place.He faked a seizure so they would call an ambulance.he stayed at the hosp till around 3am. the magistrate promised no bond.he went to jail & was bonded out (unsecured) by 5pm the next day.This is an extremely violent misogynistic,insecure,Napoleon complexed NAZI son of a whore.The fact that he so brutally abused & brainwashed my daughter has me FURIOUS, and before it's over I may go to jail.Im ok with that. I am beside myself that i just didnt go get her when I saw this starting,but moms cant just do that.I know this is a hella rant, but i plead with all you mothers & dads out there, if your gut tells you something..LISTEN to it. my daughter is a precious young woman who wouldn't hurt a fly. this bastard locked her Chihuahua in a cage & starved it half to death..but sophie is gonna be fine, she's eating to her hearts content.As for me, im not so fine. The things I have in my heart are so unlike me. I want revenge. I want pain,hurt & destruction to come to him..but I cant do that.I have to be here for her to help mend a broken spirit.This too shall pass. Peace.

People living with out Water & Electric in Cali

This link is what inspired my thoughts here. http://projectworldawareness.com/2010/07/10003/ My father called it living on Champagne tastes with a Beer budget. Americans are for the most part, a spoiled,living above their means type of people. I know many that have maxed out their credit cards to take elaborate vacations,or buy things I could only dream of.I know a lot of people that lost their homes to foreclosure (I never knew how they afforded them in the first place.)My home is simple,quite cozy & very welcoming.It is also paid for.I stay at least 2 months ahead on all my bills & never buy anything unless I pay cash.All the hype about credit scores & constant junk mail offering me credit cards to put/keep me in debt is straight up bullshit. The secret to a happy life is to be happy with what you have,blessed that you have it & envy no one else. Get by with what you can afford (FYI The Jone's can't afford 1/2 the crap they flaunt.)Years ago when I was a young mother, I lived on a farm in Tennessee.I became friends with a wise old woman who taught me how to make quilts,soap,candles,can food,dress out a deer,hog or anything else.If life were to go back to basics for me, I KNOW I could survive & probably be a lot happier.

My lil angels

Most people that know me, also know that besides being a private duty Nurse, Im a Nanny to the twins in the picture.These two little imps are 2 1/2 years old & keep me on my toes! Katie is the more dominant of the two. This pic was taken on the deck of the house in Blowing Rock NC. 5 mins after the pic was taken, Katie went over to a bowl full of rain water..of course Jake followed (Pete & repeat)Katie started flicking the water in Jake's face. Jake didn't find this as amusing as Katie did. wait for it... about 2 seconds later Jake dumped the whole bowl of water on Katie.Katie learned a new word that day, one of my personal favorites. Karma.

More domestic violence

Here we are again.One of my biggest reasons for speaking out has reared it's ugly head yet again.The fact that Mel Gibson is a celebrity has jack to do with it, it's already been established he's a narcissistic,hateful human being.A woman on Larry King said "He did this to the mother of his child". WTF difference should THAT make?? He did "it" to a woman. Period.Knocked two teeth out of her mouth, I have experienced that personally & it takes ungodly force to actually DO that (not a movie punch).The audio rants are venomous attacks,vile to even listen to.This from a man who brought us "The passion of Christ".The only reason I give a rat's ass about him & using him in this blog is maybe...just maybe..some Judge some where will FINALLY make an example out of him. I was more than let down when Mickey Rourke's take on it was "Fuck the bitch".I don't care if she was the most dastardly bitch on the planet,THIS was wrong.Men, learn to walk AWAY! RUN away if you have to, but keep your fucking hands to yourself! I find myself in a bit of a mess over this,normally my stance would be "People don't have the right to lay hands on anyone, male or female" But right about now I'd love nothing more than to beat the wheels off Mel Gibson & any other woman abuser.If you have EVER hit a woman,or verbally abused someone who thought you hung the moon, you too are an asshole of the enth degree.

Lindsay Lohan's Lowdown

I swore I wasn't going to do this. Lindsay was never one of my favorite actresses, but then I watched her in a few movies & had a change of heart. I liked her.Sadly she fell into the Hollyweird lifestyle & couldn't handle it. Others like Paris Hilton have secure family backgrounds, Mothers who care,Fathers who are there for them.Lindsay Lohan's parents have their own agenda.Lindsay was hung out to dry. That being said, I do have enormous compassion for a young woman who has gone so far off course, with NO one their to even give a damn. Now on to the really fucked up part. Lohan sat in court balling her eyes out. Not out of remorse for her misdeeds, but clearly for her own selfish losses. 1.)Her party life came to a screeching halt.2.)No friends 3.)No one of value in her life to give a damn. I believe I would cry to.So we all feel outraged that the "bitch" of Judge did her job. Around here you would get 12 months in jail.Period. What about all the court dates she snubbed her nose at? Her great climax? To sit in the Court room with FUCK U painted on her fingernail, for the Judge to see. Apparently she saw it clearly.90 days jail, 90 days rehab.Personally I think she should go to rehab first & experience jail sober.Hollyweird is a forgiving town ie:Robert Downey Jr., Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, even the bastard of a douche Roman Polanski has supporters. Lindsay, if she cleans up can still have a career.The questions that hang heavy in the air..does she want to clean up? CAN she? Or will she just end up as another child star tragedy? I hope not.Everyone has demons to contend with,but before she can start to heal she has to learn to have respect for herself & others.Lindsay I wish you well. I hope you make it through & stand tough.The message on your finger nail states you still have some growing up to do, I hope you live long enough to do it. Peace kiddo.

Women with curves

The posted link is what inspired this blog. All the girls in Hollyweird these days are starving themselves to death to be desirable.I find that gross, disgusting & beyond reason.Why is it that the men that always want this type of "Barbie doll" are usually middle age & really not anything to brag about? Women were ment to be curvy,soft & have bodies different from that of men.I wonder about men that seek out flat chested, bony girls..do they secretly desire little boys? Surprisingly it's the older men that have the obsession with the coat rack chicks. I know a lot of younger men that constantly chase after me (Im a woman with curves).Im damn proud of it to. I love my cleavage,the soft curves of my hips & the shape of my ass. Back in the day the real bombshells were women who were built like real T & A ladies. One of the greatest compliments: I bent over & my man said I had a heart shaped ass..& he adored it.So for all the bone babes out there, I feel sorry for you. You get all the shallow men, while ladies of curves get all the top shelf guys.
http://yhoo.it/cPTy2x

With Love I'll remember you

Your hand in mine, your last breath you took.
Your heart stopped.
My heart shook.
You left this world, finally tonight,
No pain nor sadness, your soul took flight.
You called me Dark Angel & squeezed my hand,
I slipped a tear for a precious man.
I watched your throat swallow it's last time,
You couldn't tell the lump in mine.
Your family there I had to be strong,
At home now Im weak,but not for long.
For the Moon is bright, Im sure it's you,
showing me a path steadfast & true.
All your wisdom & all your years,
just wouldn't tolerate to many tears.
There's work to be done, for others in need,
You gave inspiration I shall heed.
This hot summer night, with a mist in my eye,
kissed your forehead & bid you goodbye.
So dear man your wife awaits,
she'll guide you from here to Heavens Gates,
I'll watch over those you left behind,
Till we meet again sweet friend of mine.
With much love.Goodbye.

CHEESE SCONES

An old Irishman lay dying in his bed.
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite cheese scones wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and
with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favorite cheese scones! Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Fuck off!! " she said, "They're for the funeral

Son of Anarchy

I got a phone call the other night..2am. THOSE are never good calls.The last one was New Years Eve..both sons out on motorcycles. It didn't end well.Anyway I digress.I answered the phone with my Credit Card in hand..but I was floored at the convo that followed.I thought he was a bit drunk. he was not. He just wanted to shoot the shit with mom. How kool is THAT? He told me he used to sneak into my poem books when he was little.He told me my writing blew him away even back then. He thanked me for making him the man he was today (I was so proud). He has my eyes,my temper & my ability for forgiveness.He has my love of life,my ability to over come bullshit.He has my heart.He knows you treat people the way you want to be treated.Most of my friends that have FB & kids tell me their kids won't allow them to say "I love you" on their wall..everyone of my kids posts "I love you mom" regularly.My boys kiss me in public, in front of their friends.They would fight to death if anyone ever harmed me.It's moments like these & phone calls like those that make raising 4 kids as a single mom totally worth every second of it.They KNOW who & what I am, they accept my flaws & treat them as assets.So it appears that I have done well with this child rearing thang. I am blessed.I love each & every one of you. BTW I would fight to the death for all of you too. Love.."Ma Dukes"..or as one calls me "The mother ship"

Two weeks

I can't get this off my mind tonight, so I figured I'd blog.I have been taking care of a man for the past four years. I started working for him when he was 99 years old. I didn't think the job would last long (for obvious reasons).But it has lasted long enough for me to become attached to him.The sun is now setting on his long & wonderful life,but no matter how I play it out in my head it still sucks. Mr.B would be 103 on July 30,but the Dr. sez that's not gonna happen.(Heart cracks a bit).This man has lived 102 YEARS.He founded the Boys & Girls club in the town where he lives.He is STILL a member of the Rotary Club, was a founder of not 1 but 2 local banks. He owned the Coca-Cola companies in the state we live in.He gave generously to over 100 charity's faithfully.A man who attended church every Sunday, and when he got to where he couldn't get around as well, watched sermons on TV.(Heart cracks a bit more).A man with a very dry sense of humor,but when he did find something to be funny, his laughter was enchanting.He never wanted anyone to wait on him,even up until 2 weeks ago when he started getting sick,he got around with a walker,got up for his own glass of water,bathed him self..he did everything.2 weeks ago he could carry on a conversation just like you or I can. 2 weeks.His mind went quickly.He no longer knows who I am, nor his family.Maybe that's God's way of letting him keep his pride during the humiliation of dying.(Heart now breaks).I don't think I will take on anymore patients once he passes. I have been through this before & it never gets easier.He asked me once if I thought God forgot about him. No,kind man,he didn't forget about you.God knew there were people who needed & loved you, and THEY will never forget about you.Im off tonight,but still I dread hearing the phone ring in the middle of the night. I know it's totally selfish, but I want to be there with him when he closes those Blue eyes for the last time.I want to run my hand across his forehead into his silver hair & let him know it's ok to go.It's ok to meet his wife(she's waiting with loving arms),it's ok to leave the weak,selfish ones like me behind.Im sad because I will miss him so much, but I can't even think of depriving him of the rest he has so gallantly earned.I will miss you my friend. But it's ok to go.

The ripple effect

If you are naive enough to believe BP will have enough money to EVER make this "right", consider this...This is not a picture of Alabama,Louisiana or Mississippi.This is Florida's "Sugar" beach.A whole NEW horizon of destruction.Still think BP can recover? A ship's Captain, a father of four, boarded his vessel & took his own life.Suicide,if you will. Domestic violence has increased 320%!!! on the Gulf Coast.Family's are considering moving away.The GUSHER is far worse than we are being told.Every single day BP adjusts it's estimates of how much oil is contaminating the ocean.ENTIRE species of aquatic life shall die off.Tens of thousands of lawsuits have & will be filed.One thing I have learned as a Private duty Nurse to one of the richest men in N.C. is this: Sometimes NO amount of money can stop nature from running it's course.The man I take care of is dying. All his money can't save him.There is a tropical storm brewing as I type this.If the storm turns into a full blown Hurricane, what in the name of God does BP think they can do? The situation is beyond critical and the way we are being bullshitted is criminal. Louisiana went so far as to STOP people from placing barges to catch the oil, because they didn't have the proper permits!!! This is the most hideous crime against not only Nature, but Man,Woman & Children as well.BP as of yesterday were burning Sea Turtles ALIVE! I hope & pray that the fires of Hell burn as hot for the people responsible for this, as they do on top of our Ocean waters.

Sexy hair colors?

Hair color is a huge part of my life. I love the fact that I can change the color when ever the mood hits me.The one thing that always amazes me is the misconception that Blond's have more fun.In my humble opinion..bullshit. Men may be attracted to the fair hairs, but in truth they think the old stereotype holds true..blond women are, shall we say, not so bright.Men love Black hair & the mystery & exotic lure of it. They secretly want to play on the darkside. Most of the men I know do not care for the natural redhead, but throw a sizzling Auburn on them & their knees get weak. They imagine a seductress with a fiery temper & smoldering sexual prowess.When my hair is Black it seems to set men a back.When it's Auburn, I get far more doors opened for me.I was Blond for about 8 years & it seemed to attract a really sleazy class of men..no thanks.Just an observation on a Thursday night.

Pain & beauty

I spent the better part of my day wearing a pair of Stiletto's. There is only 1 reason a sane woman would DO this,(and no i am NOT an Exotic dancer). It is purely for the men we love..remember ladies ALWAYS point that toe! Other women know what we pay for these (it in of it self is ridiculous)I have never put a pair on & said to myself..damn these are comfortable! So men, if your little squeeze wears these..it's for YOU, you damn beasts of visual gratification.

Pervez Hilton

Let me preface by saying I was much happier before I ever knew this kind of Asshat existed on this planet. That being said,his latest round of celeb coat-tailing was aimed at 17 year old Miley Cyrus.It does not matter if you like Miss Cyrus or not. She IS a minor & did not deserve to be exploited on Pervez's Twitter page.He bragged a "crotch shot" which he had photo shopped a pic of Hello Kitty over her actual crotch.Pervez has made his career out of a crap load of lame drawings over real pictures of celebs. My belief is the only reason half the people that follow him, do so just to see if he is slandering,exploiting...them.I HATE seeing his name tweeted, I hate when people draw attention to him. I hate that im even posting this,but this time his childish bullshit is pending criminal investigation.I hope they nail his candy ass.

Dance face

EVERYONE who dances does this. Im guilty of having a "dance face", my question is..why? Some pooch their lips out, some bite the lower lip, but no matter what method you use, it is ALWAYS there with you on the dance floor. And it's fucking hilarious to watch.Don't believe me? The next time you get case of happy feet just TRY to dance without making THAT face!

Audie Murphy

Dig this. This Texas farm boy enlisted in the Army in 1942.His sister signed his papers even though he wasn't old enough to fight.Just weeks past his 17th birthday.The dude was 5'5" tall, and 110 pounds soaking wet.The Navy,the Air corps & the Marines all turned him away because he was so little.From 1943 to his discharge in France in June 1945 Murphy earned a staggering 33 medals for valor & performance from the United States,5 from the French government and 1 from Belgium.He destroyed 6 German tanks,and SINGLE-handedly killed more than 240 enemy soldiers in ONE encounter.He was awarded the Medal of Honor, Distinguished service Cross,3 Purple Hearts , 2 Silver Stars,2 Bronze stars among many others, and the highest awards from both France & Belgium. All before his 21st birthday. Murphy died( ironically) in a Memorial day plane crash in 19771.He is buried at Arlington Cemetery. So what have you done today?

Penis & Condom giggles

I was at CVS today and spotted a pack of Condoms labeled SLENDER. Are you kidding me? No man is going to pull out the lil magic "get laid" card that has SLENDER emblazoned all over it. It's almost as much of a deal breaker as the SUPER MAGNUM. And for your added enjoyment..dig this http://www.trojancondoms.org/index.php/average-penis-size-with-survey-charts-pics-and-graphs/

Dawn dish liquid

There is not a lot that everyday average people like you & I can do about the offshore slaughter going on in the Gulf coastal region. There is one thing we can all do to help. Dawn dish liquid is what they use to bathe the animals in to remove the toxic oil deposits.Mad props to Dawn for donating $1.00 for every bottle sold,to help the oil clean up globally.They were doing this long before the latest assault on nature by man.