resurfacing

It has been a minute since I have blogged about anything. The world is a weird place these days. My mother always told me; If you cant say anything nice, say nothing at all. The News has jaded me. Every day yet another child is abused or even worse,killed often by someone they love & trust. Women remain in terror of their "loving" spouses and those of you that know me know Im an avid beast where abuse is concerned.I would love to write about happy things but that just isn't the norm these days. We all have our happy moments but brush off all the sadness & terror that others have to live through.I love my life,love my family & love so many aspects of human nature, it really bums me out that unless the bad things are happening to US, we seldom care.I'm going to get back into writing, hopefully finding happier things to blog about.For now..Peace,love & light. Pay it forward & don't be a douchebag..no one likes a vinegar sack ;)

Life & it's twists & turns

It's been awhile since I have felt like writing anything. I have a book in progress,nothing written in months. It's funny how the things that happen in other peoples lives effect our own.Im trying really hard to get back into the "creative" mode, but with an emotional vampire by my side,that's hard to do. His depression becomes MY depression. His apathy towards life bleeds into my joy for life.It really isn't fair. This has been going on for a very long time. The obvious solution would be to walk out. Easier said than done. If I walk, he has no way to support himself.No way to get to or from a job (as if he were even looking). I suppose when you take Vows,you better be DAMN sure you understand the ramifications of "for better or worse". In the State where I reside, Alcoholism is a valid reason for filing for divorce. BUT divorce leaves him privy to HALF of what I have worked for over the past 13 years.BULLSHIT.I stand at the crossroads of my "materialism" & peace of mind.To understand abuse isn't just about being punched in the face, it's also about someone mis-treating you on a day to day basis.Mind games are abuse.Lack of intimacy is abuse.Letting someone else control you with their anger..ABUSE. I don't like confrontation,especially when I know im right. From now on, my blog will be a sort of diary of letting go.Step by step I will navigate my way out of this.If your reading this & you too are stuck in marital purgatory,perhaps my actions will inspire you to make the tough choices & do whats best for you & your family.I have the support of friends & family,Im the one that has to deal with his temper tantrums,his denial's,his depression..etc... I will keep you informed.Step by step.Peace my friends.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I haven't been asleep yet tonight. I sat on the floor by my daughters bed & balled my eyes out as she was weeping in her sleep.The victim of domestic violence. I should have seen this coming. I KNOW the signs. I have lived that nightmare in my own life, but she's to sweet,to gentle,to kind hearted to know how to defend herself.This was the man that was so sick last year with some weird disease,he had seizures,couldn't even feed himself,cried like a baby because he thought she was going to leave him.I wish she had. Every time he thought she was going to leave he faked a seizure to make her feel guilty & stay.Now the disgusting part.CONTROL.He moved her 100 miles from her friends & family.She wasn't allowed to answer her phone when anyone of our family called her.If she went to the grocery store she had to be home within 20 minutes or he would start blowing up her phone.She wasn't allowed to dye her hair,had to remove all her piercings (including earrings) No make-up was allowed..ever.she had to keep her phone on vibrate in case one of us called or texted her so he didnt hear it. Now my 2 grandsons. One he hates. the other he favors.the older one was CONSTANTLY punished.Had to rush thru his meals to take HIS dogs out.I gave them a WII last christmas, of course that was taken away immediately.The Laptop I gave my grandson is sitting here smashed, as is my daughters cell phone,and the side of her PC kicked in.It all came to a head last week. I got a call from him telling me I had better come get her (he took her car keys)I told him to have her call me,(he was calling from her phone) He said she didn't have a phone anymore & hung up.I could hear her crying in the background. I called her phone back & to him "If I don't get a call from my daughter in the next 5 minutes, I was sending the police to her house" I didn't get a call. I called the Gaston Co. police. they went to her house,knocked on the door & while he was choking her THEY LEFT!!!!!! because he wouldn't open the door.He choked her twice,punched her in the face & spit in her face twice.She walked 2 miles in a torrential down pour to a nieces house to get away from him (with the boys).from there an officer took her to a safe house till i could get there.she pressed assault charges.The magistrate told us to drive by his house & see if he was there. he was. they told us to call them & they would come arrest him so she could get her clothes & the kids stuff.we called the cops & confirmed he was there. the Sgt called me back & told me they had been out there twice that day to arrest him but no one was there. he was hiding.the Sgt then told me he wasnt wasting his time coming out to the house,I was furious, and asked for his name then hung up the phone. a few seconds later he called back & said they were on their way. When the officers got there they looked around & said he wasn't there. I got a lecture about how I wasted his precious time. I asked if he would stay while i climbed thru a window & made sure he wasn't there...at least they did that.I removed the screen, then popped the window out & stuck my leg thru. the little bastard knocked me back out the window..THEN the cops flew in on the place.He faked a seizure so they would call an ambulance.he stayed at the hosp till around 3am. the magistrate promised no bond.he went to jail & was bonded out (unsecured) by 5pm the next day.This is an extremely violent misogynistic,insecure,Napoleon complexed NAZI son of a whore.The fact that he so brutally abused & brainwashed my daughter has me FURIOUS, and before it's over I may go to jail.Im ok with that. I am beside myself that i just didnt go get her when I saw this starting,but moms cant just do that.I know this is a hella rant, but i plead with all you mothers & dads out there, if your gut tells you something..LISTEN to it. my daughter is a precious young woman who wouldn't hurt a fly. this bastard locked her Chihuahua in a cage & starved it half to death..but sophie is gonna be fine, she's eating to her hearts content.As for me, im not so fine. The things I have in my heart are so unlike me. I want revenge. I want pain,hurt & destruction to come to him..but I cant do that.I have to be here for her to help mend a broken spirit.This too shall pass. Peace.

People living with out Water & Electric in Cali

This link is what inspired my thoughts here. http://projectworldawareness.com/2010/07/10003/ My father called it living on Champagne tastes with a Beer budget. Americans are for the most part, a spoiled,living above their means type of people. I know many that have maxed out their credit cards to take elaborate vacations,or buy things I could only dream of.I know a lot of people that lost their homes to foreclosure (I never knew how they afforded them in the first place.)My home is simple,quite cozy & very welcoming.It is also paid for.I stay at least 2 months ahead on all my bills & never buy anything unless I pay cash.All the hype about credit scores & constant junk mail offering me credit cards to put/keep me in debt is straight up bullshit. The secret to a happy life is to be happy with what you have,blessed that you have it & envy no one else. Get by with what you can afford (FYI The Jone's can't afford 1/2 the crap they flaunt.)Years ago when I was a young mother, I lived on a farm in Tennessee.I became friends with a wise old woman who taught me how to make quilts,soap,candles,can food,dress out a deer,hog or anything else.If life were to go back to basics for me, I KNOW I could survive & probably be a lot happier.

My lil angels

Most people that know me, also know that besides being a private duty Nurse, Im a Nanny to the twins in the picture.These two little imps are 2 1/2 years old & keep me on my toes! Katie is the more dominant of the two. This pic was taken on the deck of the house in Blowing Rock NC. 5 mins after the pic was taken, Katie went over to a bowl full of rain water..of course Jake followed (Pete & repeat)Katie started flicking the water in Jake's face. Jake didn't find this as amusing as Katie did. wait for it... about 2 seconds later Jake dumped the whole bowl of water on Katie.Katie learned a new word that day, one of my personal favorites. Karma.

More domestic violence

Here we are again.One of my biggest reasons for speaking out has reared it's ugly head yet again.The fact that Mel Gibson is a celebrity has jack to do with it, it's already been established he's a narcissistic,hateful human being.A woman on Larry King said "He did this to the mother of his child". WTF difference should THAT make?? He did "it" to a woman. Period.Knocked two teeth out of her mouth, I have experienced that personally & it takes ungodly force to actually DO that (not a movie punch).The audio rants are venomous attacks,vile to even listen to.This from a man who brought us "The passion of Christ".The only reason I give a rat's ass about him & using him in this blog is maybe...just maybe..some Judge some where will FINALLY make an example out of him. I was more than let down when Mickey Rourke's take on it was "Fuck the bitch".I don't care if she was the most dastardly bitch on the planet,THIS was wrong.Men, learn to walk AWAY! RUN away if you have to, but keep your fucking hands to yourself! I find myself in a bit of a mess over this,normally my stance would be "People don't have the right to lay hands on anyone, male or female" But right about now I'd love nothing more than to beat the wheels off Mel Gibson & any other woman abuser.If you have EVER hit a woman,or verbally abused someone who thought you hung the moon, you too are an asshole of the enth degree.

Lindsay Lohan's Lowdown

I swore I wasn't going to do this. Lindsay was never one of my favorite actresses, but then I watched her in a few movies & had a change of heart. I liked her.Sadly she fell into the Hollyweird lifestyle & couldn't handle it. Others like Paris Hilton have secure family backgrounds, Mothers who care,Fathers who are there for them.Lindsay Lohan's parents have their own agenda.Lindsay was hung out to dry. That being said, I do have enormous compassion for a young woman who has gone so far off course, with NO one their to even give a damn. Now on to the really fucked up part. Lohan sat in court balling her eyes out. Not out of remorse for her misdeeds, but clearly for her own selfish losses. 1.)Her party life came to a screeching halt.2.)No friends 3.)No one of value in her life to give a damn. I believe I would cry to.So we all feel outraged that the "bitch" of Judge did her job. Around here you would get 12 months in jail.Period. What about all the court dates she snubbed her nose at? Her great climax? To sit in the Court room with FUCK U painted on her fingernail, for the Judge to see. Apparently she saw it clearly.90 days jail, 90 days rehab.Personally I think she should go to rehab first & experience jail sober.Hollyweird is a forgiving town ie:Robert Downey Jr., Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, even the bastard of a douche Roman Polanski has supporters. Lindsay, if she cleans up can still have a career.The questions that hang heavy in the air..does she want to clean up? CAN she? Or will she just end up as another child star tragedy? I hope not.Everyone has demons to contend with,but before she can start to heal she has to learn to have respect for herself & others.Lindsay I wish you well. I hope you make it through & stand tough.The message on your finger nail states you still have some growing up to do, I hope you live long enough to do it. Peace kiddo.